Well today is New Years Eve and the end to another year. The first year that you were gone the whole 12 months and it is soooo HARD! I thought everybody said it got easier, well that isn't happaning...... time keeps on going and going and people keep on going on with their life, don't they know you are gone and nothing will ever be the same??? Don't they know a piece of my heart and soul is gone and it hurts and aches so much! Nothing I can do will ever replace the feeling, the security, the happiness I once had before my world shattered into a zillion pieces. I always thought the hardest thing I would have to go through was losing Moma or Daddy, but that is natural. Children lose their parents Daddy has been telling that to me for years and years , we all have to die sometime, Kat, but parents are not supposed to lose their children and have to bury them and pick out headstones and decorate it for christmas and every season, but that is the only way to show our love now! I pray I will find a new picture of you everytime I look at old pictures or anywhere. I am so hungry to see you, to touch you, to hug you, to hear your voice, ANYTHING! I just want to believe you can feel what I write, what I think, what I say to you! It is the only way I can make it! I love you and miss you! Happy New Years Eve!
This is your second Christmas in Heaven and it doesn't feel real yet. Will it ever? Your Grandaddy says you are in a better place, but I am selfish, I want you here with me, with us, your family!!! Last night was the dinner at Grandaddy & Granny's, you know how they are, I know you were there with me. In alittle while we will be leaving for Aaron's house for "our" Christmas. You will be with us, but not in body. The kids are all excited because Santa came last night... I remember when you & Ash would get up at the crack of dawn and check out what Santa left you and then you would go back to bed, so I could see your faces. Those times and memories are all I have now, of past Christmas'. There are not nearly enogh of them! You should have had at least 70 more to celebrate! well I should close for now, I just wanted to tell you Merry Christmas and how much I love you and miss you as always!! Merry Christmas in Heaven, my sweet Amanda Rose.....................
Still Missing You After 19 Months / Moma (Mom)Read >>
Still Missing You After 19 Months / Moma (Mom)
My Precious Amanda, It has been 19 months tomorrow since you left us! What I wouldn't give to have you back...........ANYTHING...........it seems I miss you more and more everyday, if that is possible. it is five days till christmas and I know you would be checking under the tree and see how many presents you would have and even count them to see if you had as many or more than anyone else. What a unique daughter you were, it is so hard to say WERE, I still wanna say ARE. The kids are on christmas break already and getting so excited about christmas, you would be right in the middle of them I am sure. Tomorrow I am gonna try and take them to the mall to see Santa, that should be fun......LOL....even Lola knows you and she never met you, but she knows who are are, I can ask her where Manda is and she looks or finds your picture.... I wonder does she see you or has she seen you before??? I think maybe she has. Ash has gone to take your Grandaddy to get the keys from Granny at Top Notch, cause Granny's car wouldn't start, at first he told Ashley he was driving your old car, we know wha the said about that car, don't we, and now I wonder why he was thinking of that car, I guess he was just thinking of you, like the rest of us. Your brother and Kat have gone to the doctor to check on baby Wainscott due in June. I saw Jess, Bogey, and Kendall at Wal-Mart last night, he has grown so much, you would love him, he is so cute! Well I better close for now your nieces are fussing and I have to break it up. Will talk to you soon! Love Ya! Close
National Candlelighting for "The Compassionate Friends" Day / Moma (Mother)Read >>
National Candlelighting for "The Compassionate Friends" Day / Moma (Mother)
Hi Sweet Amanda Rose, Tonight we will brave the wet weather and go to Frankfort to the Capital to remember you and light candles for you. Try to hold off the rain if you have any"pull"up there, lol! I have been working on the Memory tree of lights for loved ones who have died by suicide. I bought a tree and Doug & Dustin set it out last week up by the road by the fence. I decorated it with red shiny stars with pictures on them and Granny bought this cute garland that looks like christmas lights and it is shiny too. I decorated the fence and put lights on it too. I did it for you and other children and loved ones that died the same way you did. It is still so hard to accept, but I think everyone feels the same, WHY? All I know that you are gone and you shold be here with us...you would getting ready to help Ash celebrate her 21st birthday, oh what a time you would have. I would probally go nuts worrying about you girls all night long. You were so looking foward to your 21st birthday and now it breaks my heart that your younger sister by 18 months is gonna be "older" than you. You will be forever 20. My beautiful blonde daughter with that pretty smile and "winning" personality, lol. ha got you there! Well Christmas is right around the corner and it seems time flies by even without you but yet I am stuck in the first 5 months of 2006 and in a way I guess I always be, thats the last time I had a complete family with all my five wonderful, beautiful children. A part of me will always be, when I am old And gray, well I think I am there already, anyway a part of my heart will be with you always and always, forever and forever, my baby girl you will be! I wish I could hug you and kiss you one last time and tell you how much I love you and what you meant to me and always will .......................... Close
May you and your wonderful family have a... / Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates Read >>
May you and your wonderful family have a... / Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates Close
Happy Thanksgiving! / Moma
Hello my sweet Amanda! Today is Thanksgiving and I still find things to be thankful for. First I am so thankful God loaned you to me for almost 21years. You were a very special young lady.I have yet to find someone to act or look like you. You have left a hole in all our hearts. Today I wore my shirt with your picture on it and while Daddy & I were peeling potatoes he was saying what a special person you were and all the great talks you & he had. It is so hard for him to talk about you, in fact today he talked about you more than ever. He said that you were a special and good girl and only made one mistake and it was a fatal one. It cost us and you your life and I know you are in a better place but we are left here to carry on without you and sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. But we will always think of you today and always. No way can a day go by without my first and last thought in the day to be about you! I only wish I had done that when you were here with me,but I thought I had years & years, but I found out no one is promised another day, I guess thats where that saying comes from about the "present" . You were a wonderful and very special gift to me! THANK YOU! Close
Sweet Amanda, May you and your family... / Carole Mom To Angel ~Heather Bates Read >>
Sweet Amanda, May you and your family... / Carole Mom To Angel ~Heather Bates Close
Still Missing You! / Moma
Well, it is November now, you have been gone almost 18 months! I would love to see you or hear you, ANYTHING! It has gotten so hard to write to you. I always think of you and so many things remind me of you. Every where I go, everything I do I think of you. Oh how I miss you, IF ONLY YOU were here. I go back to that day and I wish I could change it...........they say life goes on............... But it isn't the same without you, it never will be right again, never ever in a million years. I have big news, your brother is gonna be a Daddy. The baby is due in June. I am really excited for them. I know you would be too. Also Bethany is expecting too, her baby is due in May around or right before my birthday. Jamie's Granny passed away yesterday, she had been sick for awhile. Your Grandaddy is still getting worse, I took him to the yards yesterday for the sale last night. Moma didn't have to worry about him driving by himself. Granny still misses you maybe more everyday. She said Grandaddy would listen to you, he likes to fuss with her. You remember that don't you?? Your older sisters are spatting again, Ashley is working most days. Lola is growing anf changing everyday, Carlee is loving school, Lauren is already talking on the phone everyday & scared to get off the bus since she had a bad dream, & Tristan is playing basketball on Saturdays and is fun to watch, he is a very good player. You would be proud of them all, they miss you so much. I will close for now, till we meet again! I love you! Close
More Than Ever! / Moma
Well it has been 16 months, 1 week, and 1 day and it feels like yesterday you pulled in the drive way fast as usual and slammed the door as you came in. WHEN will I believe it?? NEVER???? I will never think of you as gone forever! I love you more than ever and I am always thinking what would Amanda be doing today............... Right now on this Saturday morning you would probally be sleeping in and then get up in about an hour, drink a glass of milk and be on the telephone and getting ready to go to the pig roast. I' m right aren't I? You would be all excited because you would see you know who............. I wonder if any of that bunch misses you?? You thought so much of them..do they think of you.. will they think of you NOT being there tonight? How can/do they go on? It is all I can do to go on day to day and then your nieces and nephew and your sisters and brother and grandparents are what gets me through. I know they miss you so much too!! It is already the end of September, the days go on and on.... but yet they seem to have stopped... I know I don't write as often as I did but I start crying and it is hard to stop, seems like the day goes on with me crying... I hope someway you know I MISS YOU and I LOVE YOU, MORE THAN EVER!!!!!! Close
Thinking of you and your family / Carole Mom To Angel ~Heather Bates (angel friend )Read >>
Thinking of you and your family / Carole Mom To Angel ~Heather Bates (angel friend ) Close
It has been awhile since I last wrote, it takes so much out of me anymore to set down and write what I feel. I guess I thought it would get easier but I was wrong! It will never get any easier or the same as it was, you are with me where ever I go and whatever I do! With us all, especially your Grandaddy and Granny! Your Grandaddy refuses to cook a steak on the grill for your Granny, he said he just couldn't do it, he says that you were supposed to have been there to eat the last steak he cooked you! He has gotten so old in the last year since you have been gone. He and your Granny misses you so much, as much as I do. They still don't understand......you were their life and reason for living and I think they have about given up! Please keep sending us signs so we will know you are with us.......... I love you so much, you are forever in my heart........LOVE YA!!!!!!! Close
For your wonderful family / Carole Mom To Angel ~Heather Bates Read >>
For your wonderful family / Carole Mom To Angel ~Heather Bates Close
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