It seems like forever since I wrote you last. And even longer since I saw your pretty face. Times goes by so fast but yet so slow. Tomorrow marks 5 years since Michelle has been gone. It doesn't seem that long. It seems like only yesterday I was taking care of her like she was one of my dolls. Then I became a real mom! At least I had lots of practice. School started Wednesday, Lauren and Tristan are in the 5th grade and Carlee in the first grade, it is so hard to believe. Lola will be 2 next Saturday and Mady will be 2 months on Sunday. Time doesn't wait on anyone. Daddy has always said that. Time isn't good to everybody either. Everyday I watch him lose alittle more of "Daddy", he is forgeting people, places, things he has done, that we have done, places, where things are, but so far, thank God, not family. He does get confused about my grand girls mainly Carlee & Lola and their Momas & Daddys! Then he sorta laughs it off and says there are too many of them to keep straight. Granny is doing pretty good, she is having a hard time excepting Grandaddy the way he is getting, but I always tell her it could be worse! We talk about you alot. They miss you so much. You had a very special bond with them that death hasn't even broken, very few people in life are blessed and lucky enough to have that! Some days are trying and some days are blessings, but I never know what each day will bring! I just wish you were here to be with us! We all miss you so much! Keep watching down from above and help us, send me a sign, I need to know you are there and yet here with me, still crazy aren't I! I am still loving you more and more everyday! All my love!!!!!
Our angels / Rea Mom Of Emile De Miranda (POS mom )
((((Kathy)))) I am thinking of you and praying for you. I hope your days are more peaceful. We will see our angels again one day and it will be a wonderful joyous day for us. Lots of love and hugs. Close
In Memory of your lovely daughter, Amanda / Arline Mom To Marla Stumpff (POS)Read >>
In Memory of your lovely daughter, Amanda / Arline Mom To Marla Stumpff (POS)
JOSH GROBAN LYRICS
"To Where You Are"
Who can say for certain Maybe you're still here I feel you all around me Your memory's so clear
Deep in the stillness I can hear you speak You're still an inspiration Can it be (?) That you are mine Forever love And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for awhile to know you're there A breath away's not far To where you are
Are you gently sleeping Here inside my dream And isn't faith believing All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you Just one beat away I cherish all you gave me everyday 'Cause you are my Forever love Watching me from up above
And I believe That angels breathe And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up To where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for awhile To know you're there A breath away's not far To where you are
I know you're there A breath away's not far To where you are
My daughter has a website here with the same background as your lovely Amanda, since her favorite color was purple. My heart hurts for all of us
Remember when? / Ashley (sister)
I was watching all the videos I made of/for you and I dont know why cause I know there gonna make me upset and cry but I do it anyways. I can't ever express how much I miss you, even though I always try. I wasn't sad on my wedding day like I thought I was gonna be. I almost cried during the memorial, but when I seen a glimpse of you up in the video booth, I thought to myself "why cry, shes here". And I knew you were right beside me when I said 'i do'. Prolly laughing at Doug or picking fun at me or something. I cant tell you how many letters or poems Ive started to write to you, that I couldnt finish. They always start out the same way. I cant tell you all the things youve missed, but I think you know. All we've been missing, is you! But I think you know that too. Mom has created this great memorial for you and has begged me to work on it, but I dont know how. How could I make something that would do you justice? Its almost 4 in the morning and here I am. Not able to sleep, not able to think of anything but you. If you only knew the stuff I have to do this weekend. We finally have the house. A place where we can party all the time, and your not here. Instead, I have to put your pictures up everywhere and its just not the same. But these days, what is? No one is the same. Not even me. Im hurting so bad, and I just dont know how to let it out. I dont know how Im hurting. Is it because your gone? Is it because I let you go? Is it because I cant let go of what happend? Or how I didnt do anything to stop it from happening? I can only imagine how life would be if you had never left. Im listening to our "rich girl" songs. Remember when I finally fount them? Omg, it was the best. I still havent watched our movie. I think of watching it all the time, then I think, "i'll wait for Amanda" and soonly after that thought I realize, I cant. So I never watch it. I dont know how itd feel watching it without you. I remember the night you just couldnt wait to get out of the movies to tell me that Rick was in it. I can see ya now. "OMG THATS RICK!!! HES SO HOT!" And the first person you called was me and I remember saying "ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! WHAT MOVIE, I NEED TO GO SEE IT AND WE NEED TO GET RICH GIRL!" And I think soon after that is when we copied it. So how do you think I should do the house? How about a Gingerbread house for Christmas? I know you liked it. Dont worry, I wont do nothing in bad taste. Im sure you'll let me know, if I do! I need another dream. One of the good ones, like the last one you came to me in. God there is so much to say and not enough time in the world to say it. So many I miss yous, and I love yous, and everything else Ive said more than once already. I hope u liked the memorial at the wedding. I played Elvis for ya. I thought youd like that. Well I guess Im gonna end this for now. I hope to see you tonight when I go to sleep, if I go to sleep. Till tonight, I love you and miss you more than the world can tell!!!!!!! My big sister Mammie Rose, Your little sister Ashee Cole Close
Dear Amanda / Ashley (sister)
Im trying to write a new thing for your memorial. Moms been trying to get me to, like I said before, but I never could. I am now and its soo hard! Im re-living the one day I never want to go back to. It just makes me realize how much I miss you. For the most part, I can ignore that. Somehow Ive taught myself how to ignore the pain that comes from losing you. But here lately its becoming more and more present. Everyday is harder and harder to live through without you here. And all that gets me through it is the picture in my head of the family at my funeral. And the hurt I felt from losing you. I could never put that on them again. And Doug. I would be a mess if it weren't for Doug. You know how funny he is! And aggrivating and sweet and all the above. But hes your brother in law now, haha. I remember the first time I knew I had to marry Doug. It was the time you approved of him. I remember thinking to myself "well, hes got to be a keeper if Amanda likes him" lol. I can't type for shaking...my nerves are a wreck and I dont know why! I wish it wasn't 4:30 in the morning cause I could take something to help me sleep, but its too late now. I am never going to get this house straight! Im so sick and tired of not being able to sleep right. Im getting your hours, up all night, sleep all day. I just got done burning one of the videos I made for you. There all sorda corny, but I like them. I'd rather not be making them, but I am, its my way of dealing with the pain I guess. I've stopped writting the memorial thing to go on here. I stopped at the point to where we got back to grannys after the hospital. What else is there to put? You were gone at that time. Life sorda stopped being life for me at that point. We are sorda stopped caring. All of us, not just our small family, but our extended family too. We stopped caring about ourselves and each other. Or it was all about ourselves and no one else. The aunts and uncles and cousins we use to think so much of, are nothing to me anymore. And I am nothing to them. We're not the big family that use to get together at the drop of a hat anymore. We can't get together and have a big christmas dinner or thanksgiving dinner without someone having something negative to say about it or about another. I guess everyone just has more important things to worry about - money. Thats all anyone around here wants or cares about, even worries about. I aint gonna lie, im guilty of it. Its just too sad. Everyone use to get along so good and now we can't even get together and be civil for granny and grandaddy. You prolly aint surprised. You didnt care for half of them anyways lol. You were the smart one. The pretty one. I was always the one picking on you and beating you up because I was the jealous one, still am. You had everything and it still wasn't good enough for you. And you werent gonna stop til you had everything you wanted. Until that day at least. I hate that day. I haven't cared much for any day since that day. Some are better than others, but none as good as before. I guess its just my bi-polar coming out. lol. My crazyness you always said I had. I got to try to get some sleep its already almost 5am and I know I'll lay there for at least an hour thinking about you and that day that I hate so much. But til next time, I love you and Miss you! My big sister Mammie Rose, Your little sister Ashee Cole. Close
Sorry it has been so long since I wrote. Alot has happaned since I wrote you last. I have moved to Granny & Grandaddys to help them out. I don't feel like I am much help because they have been doing good! I have already got in trouble for staying at Aaron's house too long like till 10:00pm. LOL, I know you think that is funny! You would!!! They miss you so much and of course you know I do & the rest of your family does too!
You have another new niece, named after you, Madalyn Rose Wainscott made her entrance on June 10 about 4:15 p.m weighing a whopping 9lbs 2oz and 20inches long. She has the cubbiest cheeks you ever saw, I know you would be pinching them. Aaron is such a good Daddy you would be so proud of him.Katrina dresses her so cute, of course her closet is over flowing! She is growing so fast. they took her to the doctor last week and she already weighed 10lbs the doctor said she gained almost a pound in a week! I just wish you were here! I always have you in my heart and you are always on my mind, but I wish you were here in the flesh. I want to hug you and kiss you and just to look at your beautiful smile or even your frown you would give me when I said something dumb. I thought when I put the lavender & purple flowers on your stone you would have called them "Barney"purple! I know Ashley is missing you awful bad, send her a sign to let her know you are still with her. In fact all of us miss you, Granny, Grandaddy, Angie, Jr., Lauren, Lola, Alissa, Jamie, Tristan, Carlee, Aaron, Katrina, Mady, Ashley, Doug, and of course all your buddies! Please send us a sign! We love you and miss you so very much! We always will! Love~Hugs~Kisses
Almost 2 years & I still can't believe it! / Moma Read >>
Almost 2 years & I still can't believe it! / Moma
Hi Sweetheart,
Sorry it has been so long since I have written you. I have been sick, Ash & Doug got married and I was sick again and I have been busy taking care of your Grandaddy & Granny.
Your Grandaddy is getting worse day by day, he doesn't act like the same ole Daddy\Grandaddy!! Granny had to have a place taken off her arm & it was cancer, they got all of it, thank God & the 15th of May she has to go to a surgery center to take 2 places off her face that are cancer too. She is worried about that, about Daddy, and how all the kids are acting! No one comes around on weekends anymore to visit with them. Some days Daddy even goes back to bed!
I have some signs, I don't know if you have been sending them or if I just want to see them so bad. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone so much....My heart still aches for you and my eyes long to see your beautiful face. Not a day or night goes by without me thinking of you most of the day & night! I guess it will always be like that.
I guess in the next month I will be moving to Granny & Grandaddy's house to help take care of them, Moma needs help with Daddy.
I hope to write you sooner than last time, just know if I don't write you my heart and my mind are always thinking of you and remembering all of the good times we had, YOU WERE ONE OF A KIND & I WAS SO BLESSED TO HAVE YOU FOR A DAUGHTER!
Happy Easter. / Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates (connected by angels )Read >>
Happy Easter. / Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates (connected by angels ) Close
For Our Babie's / Eileen Duncan (My Amanda was Murdered 6-8-06 )Read >>
For Our Babie's / Eileen Duncan (My Amanda was Murdered 6-8-06 )
♦ Unless you have lost a child, no you don’t understand my pain, so please do not say so. Even family and friends, as much as they loved your child, still have no idea what the parent is going through.
♦ Event’s such as weddings, anniversaries, holiday, birthdays, and other events and gatherings are incredibly hard to deal with, and may be for months, years, possibly forever. Never judge, or become impatient. The grieving parents know when they are ready for events such as this. Family and friends need to be understanding, and realize life as it was before the child died, no longer exists. Therefore you will find grieving parents no longer wish to celebrate as they did in the past when their child was alive. New traditions are often made, as the old ones are too hard to continue on with. Some may choose to not celebrate at all.
♦ The day that your loved ones child died, the parents life as they knew It died too. Life will never be the same for the family, especially for the parents, so don’t expect It too be.
♦ Grief is an individual process. There is no right or wrong way. No time limit, and the grieving parent will never get over it.
♦ People may expect that grief will lessen in an orderly fashion when, especially for parents of deceased children, grief often worsens over time or recurs, dramatically and painfully, years after the loss.
♦ Grief counseling, therapy, and support groups are statistically not a commonly used option for grieving parents. If needed they are very useful, but again, each parent will grieve differently. Outside help is often found in friends, family, or the community. Do not insist your loved one seeks outside help.
♦ Respecting a grieving parents wishes when decisions are to be made surrounding the deceased child, is crucial! Many parents feel all they have left is the planning of their child’s funeral, choosing where their child will be laid to rest, and planning and attending events scheduled in honor of their child. Often family members feel they are experiencing a great loss too, and feel left out, but unfortunately the grieving parents wishes and needs must come first. Others must respect those decisions.
♦ A change in a grieving parents personality is normal, and can be permanent. It is normal for depression to set in, and is only dangerous if it is having profound affects on their personal life. Example, no longer able to work due to lack of sleep or interest, substance abuse, physically harming themselves or others, noticeable decrease in personal hygiene and care for other children, no longer wanting to be with spouse. A drop in mood, or energy is not something to be alarmed by.
♦ Family members should not look to the grieving parent for support. Loved ones often feel helpless and alone and forgotten about after a child in the family has passed away. Grief is one of the #1 stressors an individual can endure in their lifetime, especially when it involves losing a child. Turn to other family members for support. Often times the grieving parent does not want to talk, and will want to be left alone, mainly due to added stress when exposed to the demand of family and friends.
♦ The grieving parent needs support, respect, and understanding. It is crucial that family and friends shelter their loved ones from any unnecessary stress and trauma if at all possible. It is unfortunately rather common for persons in the grieving process to be the victim of sudden illness, as serious as a heart attack, or even death due to the level of stress.
♦ Family and friends may have to step in and help care for any children, such as siblings of the deceased child. Caring for young children during the initial stages of the grieving process can be nearly impossible at times.
♦ It is said that in a time such as this, the loss of ones child, it will quickly be made apparent who is going to be supportive and who is not. This is the hardest event your loved one will most likely endure in their lifetime, and it is often difficult for others to understand and continue to stay supportive. Remember, the grieving parent will never be able to put into words what they are feeling, so except that you will never understand, and decide if you are able to still be supportive.
♦ Their child may have passed away, but they are still that child’s parent. Close
Missing You on a Special Day! / Moma
Well today is Alissa's birthday and I just got back from meeting with them in Frankfort to eat. I kept on remembering 2 years ago when you all threw her a surprise 30th birthday. What a fun time that was. It was one of the last "parties" or get togethers we were together, OUR family, whole for one of the last times. Little did we know it at the time, how quick things could change. you never know how precious something is until it is gone and no longer with you. I wish so many things could be changed. Make times last longer, stop and say I love you , everytime, kiss and hug you everytime, every day, every hour! I thought I would be able to watch you get married, have babies, raise those children, become a grandmother, we were cheated out of all those times and things don't seem fair. I can't make my heart understand, all it knows is the hurt and pain right now and it feels like it will last forever............. Close
It's February! / Moma (Mom)
Hi Sweetheart, It is February again, the second one without you. I always get you some candy and flowers and I will this year too! I am going this weekend to change your flowers at the cemetary from your christmas to valentines. The weather has been terrible, that is the reason I am running behind, plus I have been sick & so has your grandparents, so that is why I have been putting it off. I am still not thinking right, I guess I never will, you took a part of my heart and soul with you when you left me and I can't get it back ! Like I mentioned earlier Grandaddy & Granny have both been sick and alot of the family, so it has taken us all to pitch in and take care of them. Your Grandaddy got sick last Sunday night but thought he was ok, so off to work he and Aaron went Monday, but before the sale started Aaron called me and said he was throwing up again and needed me to do something, so I went and picked him up at the yards that morning and took him to Dr Purdom, he thought he only had a stomach virus. It took us awhile to get from Lexington to the burg, but I got him home! Then Moma was down with a cold/flu or something, but I hope & pray they are on the road to recovery! You are gonna have another niece! Aaron & Katrina found out last week they are going to have a baby girl. They are trying to decide on names, it won't be long till she is here. Ashley is busy working and planning her wedding, I wish you were her to help her she is having a hard time without you. Alissa & Jamie & Tristan & Carlee & Chase are doing ok, Tristan is a good basketball player, I wish you could see how much he has improved, I am so proud of him and of all my precious grandchidren just as I am my precious children!! Angie, Junior, Lauren, & Lola are doing good too. Lauren is cheering for Tristan's team & Kat & Ang are coaching the girls cheerleading squad and doing a great job! Angie has had a virus and Lauren is having that awful wart treated with south african beettle juice or something, she has had 2 treatments on it so far. It would gross you out!!! I just wanted to write you and think of you, it helps me, call it crazy or what, it just helps me survive! I haven't talked to Jess, Can, or Bethany for awhile, I saw Bethany G at Tristan's ballgames a couple of weeks ago. I hope and pray you know what you mean to us and as long as there is life and breath in my body I will be thinking of you, my beautiful daughter who left me way too soon! I love you and miss you so much! Close
Valentine/ Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates Read >>
Valentine/ Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates Close
Still Missing You after 20 months..... / Moma Read >>
Still Missing You after 20 months..... / Moma
Well it has been 20 months since you left us! In some ways it only seems like yesterday and then it seems like forever since I saw you or hugged you or kissed you or heard your voice, OH what I wouldn't give to see you one more time, to hear your laugh, to touch you...... We woke up to snow this morning the first snow of the year, only about an inch, but its enough to cancel school. Yesterday I had all 4 grandkids and that was fun day, today Alissa stayed home with Tristan and Carlee. You should have seen Caelee yesterday she had on jeans that she wore 2 or 3 years ago a sleeveless belly shirt, all of her Moma's makeup on and glitter lotion and enough perfume to smell in town! It about got to me cause she smelled like you did! I begged her to wash it off but it was soaked into her skin!!! Tristan ate and threw a ball around, thats all he cares about. He is playing basketball at Saffell Street and is doing really good. The first game he had like 35 points! Lauren is creeing for him and Ang & Katrina are coaching the cheerleaders. Lauren keeps having bad dreams about someone being after her. Lola is a good baby you would love her so. She is crazy about books and has a valentine book of Elmo she just loves, it is called "Elmo loves you" you have to read it over & over & over. Aaron & Kat go to the Dr. the 24th to have an ultrasound to see what they are gonna have, what do you think boy or girl??? Ash is getting all her wedding plans down to the nitty gritty, it will be here in no time about 8 weeks! I wish you were here to help her and be her maid of honor, you will be in spirit, just not in person. It makes me so sad. Well I better close for now..... I love you more and more even tho you aren't here where I can see you my love still grows, and I miss you so much it hurts! Until we met again............. Close
love/ Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates (connected by angels )Read >>
love/ Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates (connected by angels ) Close
blessings/ Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates (connected by angels )Read >>
blessings/ Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates (connected by angels ) Close
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